Emotions are what we feel in response to an event or situation or other.Humans are inexact beings ,though psychology and sociology are being studied by millions at a vigorous pace to find the answer as to why humans vary so easily based on a single emotion . BT there is yet to be any advancement in our theories in terms of pinpoint accuracy.
Is a single emotion that powerful? Yes ,a single emotion is enough to drive a person mad, a single emotion is enough to egg the darkness in you ,a single emotion is enough to make u kill.The list is endless because when driven by a certain emotion nobody knows wat they are capable of.
If emotions are this powerful then what do u think is the most primitive and powerful one ?.
PAIN is undoubtedly according to me the most primitive and most powerful of all emotions ,it is said even as a baby when we make our way out of the womb we experience pain ,it isnt of an intense amount BT it is experienced, this pain is similar to the pain that comes from crawling under a small fence through a small hole in it.
How powerful is pain?let me tell you a story that will let u know firsthand how powerful it is and how it can alter a person beyond recognition.This may sound quite clichéd BT bear wid me Wen I Tel u this one’s mi8 just be atleast a tad diff.For the time being let’s just go with epiphets or numerical names for the characters.
Mr.X was quite the ordinary boy except his puffy cheeks and cute puppy looks almost always made him the center of attention ,ppl flocked to him to pet him and they adored him or so it seemed at that time,he was stuck with school before he even knew it ,he was able to speak and write a little before time and was hence pushed into the abyss of the now twisted and convoluted Indian educational system even before he knew it .
As trite as this sounds “he hated math”,well he just couldn’t bring his mind around the fact that these were anything but useless ,he liked theory better he found it quite intriguing and fascinating to know the past and all that the world had to offer.
Soon enough he passed 3rd grade in flying colours ,things seemed smooth ,he had doting parents who spoilt him ,relatives who adored him,he was but a newly refined mineral raw and unpolished , he did not know the vagaries of life nor the fickleness of fate.
Thigs took a turn for the first time when he was in fourth grade ,he was dumped into a boarding school ,the food was horrible beyond words more importantly the same food was given twice a day i.e mostly leftovers ,he had to do everything on his own ,run by a Christian institution he was made to pray like the others ,though he had no qualms about praying to another religious god he mused as to why ppl prayed to different god’s was there any difference ? Or was it just a man made division to keep order ?
Umpteen questions swam in his head ,While he was self immersed in thoughts a storm was brewing for him .
Being the center of attention always draws problems right towards u and thus it began …
Bullying is so common that no one cares nowadays ,this particular boy however was bullied day and night ,he cried and cried and cried ,before long he was building a wall around himself bt ppl kept on trying to push the kid down ,through all this the kid didn’t utter word to his parents who were at the time facing a financial crisis,he was treated in the most horrible ways he was treated like a weakling, pushed around ,everyone called him weak and useless .
All these almost never fazed the kid Bt wat broke him was wen his grades dropped because of the bullying and finally even his parents had called him useless.The kid managed to sail through to grade 7 ,he had to undergo 4 operations during his school days and finally he decided to change school Wen he was in grade 7.
The boy was happy since he was going to a new school ,he thought he would have a better life there,sadly the kid was mistaken ,this will be where the kid loses it ,the place that will kill all that he held , obliterate his world and leave him like a pile of trash on the walkways.
7 ,8,9 th grades were almost no different in the end, things kept piling up, family problems loomed larger than ever ,fights between his parents became ever more frequent and most of them were about his behaviour and his marks in English ,was it his fault that he couldn’t master a language in just a few years? ,was it fair to feel disappointed at a home sick child because he was homesick?his life at school wasnt any good either ppl kept calling him wierd names for their own sick amusement ?,these where Wen the first few questions came to his mind….what was it that drew problems to him ?,why was it always him? ,Why couldn’t they go pick on somebody else ?,was he too weak? ,Wat did he do to deserve all this hate?…*sounds like a kid who has Weltschmerz right?stay with me though 😂*.
10 was good to him as well ,he got transferred to a new campus in 9 th and he liked it there bt he liked 10 th grade better for he seemed to have made some good friends along the way there .BT tenth wasn’t too smooth he had to beg his parents to let him drop math bt they just wouldn’t hear him out ,they were only bothered about wat their relatives had to say . However the boy managed to pass Tenth with much difficulty .BT here was the first time he questioned the existence of God or if it all was just another invention of humanity to keep their sanity in difficult times? .I’ll save the sappy details for another time,for now let’s get to the real part.
If the boy thought this was pain he was in for a surprise because this would be the final checkpoint ,the two years that would leave him scarred for the rest of his life .( I promise no more banal stuff🤐)
Grade 11 and 12 came faster than anticipated,a new class a few old friends and a few new people he didn’t know .Until now mr.x was still a kid at heart with a spunky spirit and innocent heart that was built from fledgling pain ,the only thing the kid cared for was to be sure not to inflict any pain on others,this is however wat will bring about his downfall.
*Well guys here comes the villian😂,let’s name him Kronos*.
Kronos was the odd one out at the beginning of the year ,he despised everyone bt himself. He loved himself to a point of utter idiocy that bordered on insanity, he pretended to be amicable BT he was actually just trying to win people over ,BT for some reason this time people walked away from him to Mr.x who had no need for malice or underhanded tactics,he was just like the others wanting but simple reasons to be happy.
Mr.x brought about his own downfall when he decided to help Kronos because he thought Kronos must feel lonely .He did not understand at that time how things worked with Kronos ,soon enough Kronos was changing the entire class into his slaves.
*Looks like smthn out of a comic book right?😂stay with me guys..*
Before Mr.x realised everything had changed everyone were acting to please Kronos ,Kronos had complete control , every 1 knew the fact that Kronos was twisted BT no one would dare say it because as the name implies he was just as good as the kronos (Greek myth) in a fight.
Kronos started to toy wid Mr.x who was the only anomaly that stood in his way ,the bullying started again… he was called fat and disgusting and all sorts of lame crappy names .Mr .x knew he couldn’t do anything abt all this vitriol hurled at him .
He was forced to join Kronos’s lackeys ,its almost comic Wen Mr.x pictures Kronos as Hitler who reigned over Germany.This was but the beginning ….
It all began one night wen Kronos ordered Mr.x over to his cot and asked him to massage his feet and hence it began ,each night Mr.x would have to massage Kronos ‘s feet that stank like gutter itself till Kronos fell asleep ,imagine a teen boy having to do stuff like a servant ,his ego was long gone and he no longer had any power over wat was happening .
Kronos soon made Mr.x his full fledged slave .As a victim he had to give his food,he had to fill his buckets for him , tidy up his cupboard,tidy his bed in the morning …etc……. It never mattered if Mr.x was sick or fit he had to massage Kronos to sleep.
As if this wasn’t enough things took a turn for the worse , now that almost everybody had joined into Kronos’s stooge army if you tried to violate kronos’s rules or refused to do something he asked u to or did something that jeopardises him or his position u were forced into a position where no one would dare to speak to you,u would become non-existent just like that.What came next was even worse Kronos wanted ppl to stop acting childish i.e since you were in 11 grade you had to talk about girls and only girls u had no right to talk abt anything else ,(*this is India for crying out loud we don’t start dating just cause u get a little old besides my own opinion who cares if u date or not ,u ll find sm1 eventually*).To stop being childish meant u had to act and follow him and only bother about girls.
The kid was in for a nasty slap in the face if he thought all he had to do was somehow fit into the crowd ,no that would not be the case as fate had it he was seated near Kronos in class and had to sleep near him in the dorm.By the end of the year he was a total wreck mentally and physically from all the beating he had received for his incompetency from Kronos.
Reality is harsh they say and this seems more than apt in this story.Hurt deeply the kid fantasized that someone would eventually come into his life who would love him for wat he is, who would always be by his side, someone who could understand him.The kid was but searching for some silver lining in his horrible life ,a small ray of sunshine in a darkened sky.The craziest stuff was he even got slapped around if Kronos’s gf felt bad abt smthn ,I mean wtf was the kid to do if the damn girl felt bad abt her problems.
What happened instead was even more messed up?long story short ,he fell in love with the most undesirable girl in the entire damned campus BT unfortunately he loved her truly, because he thought she had a beautiful character, she accepted his faults as they were but most importantly he saw in her wat he didn’t have… the guts to do anything and everything she wanted without a care in the world.
Imagine how powerless anybody would feel if they got rejected by their crush and it was two times worse in his case since it was the worst girl on campus ,they boy could only question himself,was he that bad?.This wasn’t were it would end ,the stupid kid wouldn’t give up and pursued her still and he found out soon enough that the girl liked someone else who was one of kronos’s top fuckholes , when this went into the limelight the boy was ridiculed further .
Unable to take all this the boy finally decided he had to have the girl no matter wat ,he told her he would kill himself bt the girl wrote a letter to the other boy she liked to stop him ,*it does sound comic BT imagine the pain you would feel if u told the person that u loved that u were going to commit suicide and they end up telling someone else to stop u instead of even bothering to tell u to stop*
The ridicules got worser,the boys mental health declined steadily ,he stood on the brink of insanity as a kid who has been fighting a ridiculously one sided battle that could never have ended in a win indefatigably ,he did not feel ashamed he felt he had given it his all ,BT why had he lost even then?what was his mistake? What was wrong? .
And like a divine miracle a flurry of good things happened ,the girl who rejected him accepted him,the kronos group was beginning to grow fond of him and his family problems seemed to be getting better.
The kid however was mistaken ,the girl was putting up an act and Kronos was far from letting him free and when he got suspended from school after being found out for his relationship his family issues got worser .
The kid still oblivious loved the girl though ,when he finally got back to school he tried to fix their bond but to no avail and soon enough Kronos was starting to control his love life as well ,he was using the kids love to foster his relationship .
He was Kronos’ s marionette ,his life even his love life was scripted by Kronos,imagine being under someones control completely and being used up like a tissue and thrown away.
It was nothing but utter despair that waited even after all the hurdles this boy faced ,it was only then…. only then …only then that he realised there would be no divine miracles ,no angels to guard him,no beliefs through which he could feign ignorance anymore…and there it lay the truth as dark,cold,bitter and sinister as the very Ginunngagap that lies in the depths of nilfheim ,HE WAS ALONE ,THERE WOULD BE NO GOD TO HELP HIM ,HE HAD TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES ,HE HAD TO WIN THEM NO MATTER WHAT IT TOOK.THIS WAY OF LIFE ITSELF WAS FALSE ,IT WAS SMTHN THAT FOOLS HAD CREATED TO COCOON THEMSELVES FROM THE HARSH REALITY.
At that moment something inside him had snapped ,the last fragments that held his sanity together.He gave in to his inner demons ,he let the darkness of his soul take over and for the first time sitting alone in the shelter of an alcove that was obsured from everyone’s vision by a pile of stacked chairs ,the boy smiled though it wasn’t the smile that angels would tote even on their worst days though .
Within a month after that ,there wasn’t a fat boy to tease anymore ,there wasn’t anymore an idiot to play the fool with,no longer did he have to go through pain having seen through the farce of the entire world ,tears wouldn’t come any longer all that was left were anger ,hatred and lust .
He couldn’t do anything about Kronos’s superiority in terms of strength ,he wasn’t born with such strength to counter such power ,so he stayed as Kronos’s marionette or so kronos thought BT in reality the puputeer and puppet had shifted places ,his opinions were valued atleast to some extent and so he would make sure he hurt everyone who hurt him through the evil bastard himself .
Soon enough the entire world became clearer ,the farce was so stupid he could almost die from laughter.An year later he would be the one to breakup with his gf because he knew he no longer was human anymore atleast he couldn’t act like the others and play along like a fool.This world in his eyes was so twisted it almost made him retch and laugh at the same time .
A world where fools reigned supreme ,the knowledgeable were called nerds whereas those who whiled away their time in a life of debauchery and felony seemed master’s of the place.People surrounded themselves with others and formed cliques and fought among themselves just as packs of animals might.They were blissfully ignorant of everything around them ,and yet they said they wanted to be at the top of the world with no passion whatsoever,they made it so that they could live in luxury staving off reality by spinning an elaborate yarn of ignorance around them,by being with more people.Their concepts itself were twisted , friendship was nothing bt backstabbing when no one else was looking,love was a product of everyday lust .
The cold ,calculating boy could only gaze and wonder if they would ever realise ,many more fucked up troubles came his way BT This time he was more than prepared ,they looked like nothing more than flies. . the gaping hole inside him ,he realised he could fill only with knowledge and so he would pursue it …..
Epilogue:-
I don’t know how many might read this or how many would say this was useless bt try putting urself in a situ similar to it and for those of you who think this was just some lame shit he faced ,I’m sorry BT I decided to ignore the most messed up ones. This was BT a percent of what he went through ….
